So once again it has been a while since I have blogged and here we are in 2012! I'm currently at work on stand down because it's a public holiday. I have just had a pretty long Christmas break - all of Christmas off and Hogmanay - and have spent lots of time with my husband and son. It has been really hard work! Full time mummyhood is very hard work. But really good to spend time with them.
My resolutions? Well the usual really, eat less, move more, spend less, clean more, be a better mum and wife, work hard...
I consider myself to be a pretty lucky person - we finally managed to buy a house with a lot of help from family, I like my job and I have a great husband and son. These are the things that really matter...
Monday, January 02, 2012
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Life goes on
It's been a while since i've updated my diary, mainly because I haven't had any news to report really. I still don't.
I'm on a quest currently to pay off as much debt as possible before our lease expires at the end of June 2011. I would love to move from this house in to one i've bought, and we are doing everything we can to make it happen.
I've realised that miracles don't happen - you have to make your own luck. It's sad to think that the Debt Fairy will not visit and pay off my cards, but time to face reality I guess! Life is pretty dull as a result - no nights out, no treats to speak of. But when I finally have a home of my own, which I can paint, keep pets in and alter as I like it will be worth it.
I'm on a quest currently to pay off as much debt as possible before our lease expires at the end of June 2011. I would love to move from this house in to one i've bought, and we are doing everything we can to make it happen.
I've realised that miracles don't happen - you have to make your own luck. It's sad to think that the Debt Fairy will not visit and pay off my cards, but time to face reality I guess! Life is pretty dull as a result - no nights out, no treats to speak of. But when I finally have a home of my own, which I can paint, keep pets in and alter as I like it will be worth it.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Glasgow
Until June last year I lived in Glasgow. It was once a place I really loved. When I was 17 I went down to see a concert and fell in love with the place. There were buskers on the streets, the sun was shining (yes really - it was July), they had BK and MacDonalds on every corner! You could get a train to a stop 2 miles away! And the shops! I loved it, and was determined to move there one day.
Not long after I got a place at College in Glasgow and it was happy days. I loved living in the halls of residence - my own little room where I could stay out as late as I liked. I made lots of friends, was out all the time, and enjoyed the pubs and the clubs and the shops because it was a whole new world. I never thought i'd leave. I was there for 5 years before circumstances (work) dictated I had to leave.
I spent the next 2 years trying to get back there. When I got back though some 2 years later (albeit to a town 10 miles outside), my life and my friends had all moved on and that pesky work thing got in the way. My love affair with Glasgow had begun to break down...
Years later, I moved back to Glasgow with my then boyfriend, to the West End which was an area i'd always loved because it was so vibrant and busy, so much to do, so easy to get places. For a couple of years it was fine. We walked in the Botanic Gardens, went out for food and drinks to Oran Mor and Bonhams and Di Maggios. We loved the novelty of taking a bottle of wine in to a film at the Grosvenor. We had our lovely wedding at One Devonshire Gardens. But after a couple of years of walking up and down 3 flights of stairs to a flat with no garden, and of being pretty poor the shine was definitely fading.
The final nail in the coffin was the arrival of my son. He was born in Glasgow. And I began to see things I had never seen before, never even thought of before. I didn't want him to grow up in an area where neds wearing Lacoste tracksuits and carrying knives were an everyday sight. I didn't want him to go to some great big inner city school. I wanted him to have what I had when I grew up. Grass to play on, the ability to walk down the street without fear, access to fields and trees and hills. Plus I was shopped out, pubbed out and clubbed out. I was over it. So we left, and returned (almost) to the area I grew up in.
I'll never regret our decision to move. Sometimes you have to step away from what you know to realise what you really need. I'll always remember my student days with fondness, but I wouldn't go back...
Not long after I got a place at College in Glasgow and it was happy days. I loved living in the halls of residence - my own little room where I could stay out as late as I liked. I made lots of friends, was out all the time, and enjoyed the pubs and the clubs and the shops because it was a whole new world. I never thought i'd leave. I was there for 5 years before circumstances (work) dictated I had to leave.
I spent the next 2 years trying to get back there. When I got back though some 2 years later (albeit to a town 10 miles outside), my life and my friends had all moved on and that pesky work thing got in the way. My love affair with Glasgow had begun to break down...
Years later, I moved back to Glasgow with my then boyfriend, to the West End which was an area i'd always loved because it was so vibrant and busy, so much to do, so easy to get places. For a couple of years it was fine. We walked in the Botanic Gardens, went out for food and drinks to Oran Mor and Bonhams and Di Maggios. We loved the novelty of taking a bottle of wine in to a film at the Grosvenor. We had our lovely wedding at One Devonshire Gardens. But after a couple of years of walking up and down 3 flights of stairs to a flat with no garden, and of being pretty poor the shine was definitely fading.
The final nail in the coffin was the arrival of my son. He was born in Glasgow. And I began to see things I had never seen before, never even thought of before. I didn't want him to grow up in an area where neds wearing Lacoste tracksuits and carrying knives were an everyday sight. I didn't want him to go to some great big inner city school. I wanted him to have what I had when I grew up. Grass to play on, the ability to walk down the street without fear, access to fields and trees and hills. Plus I was shopped out, pubbed out and clubbed out. I was over it. So we left, and returned (almost) to the area I grew up in.
I'll never regret our decision to move. Sometimes you have to step away from what you know to realise what you really need. I'll always remember my student days with fondness, but I wouldn't go back...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
One week in...
I'm one week in to healthier eating - i've banished the term diet. I am a little disappointed because I have only lost 1.5 Ib for my efforts! What is that equivalent to - a bag of sugar or something? I suppose when you put it like that it ain't bad! I mean if I lost a pound every week, in a year i'd be 52 Ib lighter.
I'm determined not to get despondent and just to keep on going. I haven't really missed chocolate too much. So sick of carrying all this weight and just want it gone.
I'm determined not to get despondent and just to keep on going. I haven't really missed chocolate too much. So sick of carrying all this weight and just want it gone.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Enough is Enough
I have been fat forever. I was an overweight child - nothing major, but always a couple of stones more than I should have been. I became an overweight teenager, then adult. My weight has been a lifelong obsession and source of misery and angst.
All my life I have felt like a failure, and like i'm just not good enough. At school, nasty kids called me fatty, sumo, ethel (?), bessie bunter, that kind of thing. When I came home, my parents would reinforce the idea that my weight wasn't acceptable. My mother used to say "why don't you try to lose a little weight, why don't we go to weight watchers" etc etc. My dad used to say "you are just like a wee barrel" or "men never like fat women". I don't think they meant to be unkind but boy did that stick.
Years later, I am still the girl that wants to hide in the corner. I don't go out or try to meet people because I don't want to be on show. If I went out, i'd just look a mess so what's the point. I have hidden myself away in a job I am overqualified for, because i'm too scared to do something else where people might deride me. I can't really handle criticism of any kind.
I weighed myself this morning and I am 15 stone 5Ib at 5ft 1. I am disgusted with myself. How did I let myself become like this? My skin looks like crap, I feel really ill all the time, and so exhausted. I am 35 and my life is passing me by. Enough is enough.
All my life I have felt like a failure, and like i'm just not good enough. At school, nasty kids called me fatty, sumo, ethel (?), bessie bunter, that kind of thing. When I came home, my parents would reinforce the idea that my weight wasn't acceptable. My mother used to say "why don't you try to lose a little weight, why don't we go to weight watchers" etc etc. My dad used to say "you are just like a wee barrel" or "men never like fat women". I don't think they meant to be unkind but boy did that stick.
Years later, I am still the girl that wants to hide in the corner. I don't go out or try to meet people because I don't want to be on show. If I went out, i'd just look a mess so what's the point. I have hidden myself away in a job I am overqualified for, because i'm too scared to do something else where people might deride me. I can't really handle criticism of any kind.
I weighed myself this morning and I am 15 stone 5Ib at 5ft 1. I am disgusted with myself. How did I let myself become like this? My skin looks like crap, I feel really ill all the time, and so exhausted. I am 35 and my life is passing me by. Enough is enough.
Friday, May 22, 2009
No Justice
Late last year, the papers were full of the story of a little boy abused and tortured to death by his own mother and her boyfriend. His mother ignored him, preferring to surf the net and watch tv rather than make her son comfortable by changing his nappy, feeding him, playing with him or giving him a cuddle. Her boyfriend liked to use the child as punchbag, pulling out his fingernails, allowing his dog to bite him, spinning him on a chair till he fell off, snapping his spine in half, and as final finale, punching him in the mouth so hard that his teeth were knocked out.
Today Baby P's "mother" was sentenced for her part in the death of her 17 month old son, along with her boyfriend. 5 years for her and 12 for him. There is no justice. These scumbags should be thrown in a big pit, tortured daily and left to die starving in their own excrement.
This case is so upsetting for anyone, regardless of whether they have children themselves or not. How could anyone inflict this sort of suffering on a beautiful little baby? My own little boy is now 14 months, not much younger than this poor wee boy was when he died. I love him so much. It is so sad that not every child is loved and cared for in the way they should be. And even sadder when very little is done to protect them.
Today Baby P's "mother" was sentenced for her part in the death of her 17 month old son, along with her boyfriend. 5 years for her and 12 for him. There is no justice. These scumbags should be thrown in a big pit, tortured daily and left to die starving in their own excrement.
This case is so upsetting for anyone, regardless of whether they have children themselves or not. How could anyone inflict this sort of suffering on a beautiful little baby? My own little boy is now 14 months, not much younger than this poor wee boy was when he died. I love him so much. It is so sad that not every child is loved and cared for in the way they should be. And even sadder when very little is done to protect them.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Happy Birthday to yoooo yoo
My baby son Euan is 1 today. It has come around so quickly!
His first year has been eventful to say the least - a dramatic entrance in to the world, in hospital at 2 weeks old, mummy having PND and being rubbish, moving house, daddy losing his job. Under different circumstances it would be a year to forget.
Since Euan came along nearly everything has changed. His daddy and I have had to make huge adjustments and deal with so much. But our wee boy is fabulous.
Happy Birthday wee man! We love you loads!
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